Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
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