She said her name was "party"
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
