You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
