how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
