So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
