Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
