two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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