if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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