this beer tastes like vomit already
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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