I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize