if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
