I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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