I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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