He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
