My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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