You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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