Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
