It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
