Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
