He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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