He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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