you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
