I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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