I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
