Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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