turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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