i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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