I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
