based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
