I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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