is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
