is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
