Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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