RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
