my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
