I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize