Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
