do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
