You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
