She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
