An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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