i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
