she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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