I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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