i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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