yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
