sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
