Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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