smell my finger.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I need to calm my uterus...
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
