Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
