Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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