Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
