mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
