mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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