Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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