i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
