im drinking this country out of the recession.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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