So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
