What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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