You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
