My first STD was from a foam party
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize