remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Randomize
