so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
