Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
