I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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