I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
