I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
