the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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