there's paper in my vomit.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
