I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
